Ordinary Love

The Healer Coach Weekly Tips

The Healer Coach Weekly Tips

"We can't fall away any further
 We can't reach any higher
If we can't feel ordinary love.
Are we tough enough for ordinary love?"     U2 
 
As promised in December, I'm going to expound on Dr. Robert Solomon's advice for reinventing romance. Steps two and three of the four, 'Open, honest communication and supporting each other's commitments.
 
I've put these two together because if you're engaging in open honest communication you'll have an easier time supporting each other.
The short answer to how we fulfill these steps is practice with the right/correct intention.
 
Clarifying your intention prior to signing up to a practice allows you to keep monitoring and correcting your behaviors, even when the going gets tough. A correct intention anchors us. You can ask yourself, "Why am I undertaking this practice to support my partner's commitments?" Listen to the answer. Write it down. Post it on the fridge. Your response becomes the intention to which you align your practice.
 
We set the intention up front and keep referring to it throughout. The happier I am, the less I fuss and fight. Our ability to be stay peaceful and at ease has less to do with what our partner says or does and more to do with our own practices to remain peaceful. That being said, by doing this practice, your partner feels more at ease in the energetic space called your relationship. Engage in this exercise for 3 months then re-evaluate the condition of your relationship.
 
Attitude alone is insufficient to make the change. You can't simply will the change to happen or use willpower to be more peaceful.  At first, any practice feels forced when it's new; we're bringing our attention to doing something different, even thinking the steps through as we do it. 
 
But over time by doing the practice, you'll observe a decrease in the time and energy you give to destructive emotions. Why? Because you enjoy being happy and supporting each other's commitments. So when a negative thought arises, you can recognize it, breathe into it and release it. Then return to your intention.   
 
Mindfulness is the tool I use to change my internal identity, to become a more peaceful person.  Having tried many methods, none work as well as this one. Is it challenging, yes. But the results are worth the effort.  
 
Where we fail with practice is we either give up before we see "tangible" results or we achieve some measure of peace, then figure we can stop. The catch is, you can't stop doing the practice because it's the practice that yields the result.  
 
If our lives truly are precious, and can change in a heart beat, why do we waste so much time talking about getting happy, instead of doing the practices to be happy?
 
Whether you are in relationship or not, getting happy, happier, begins with your own mind.
 
"Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes".   Carl Yung 

Posted on January 21, 2014 and filed under January 2014.