Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?

My dad told me I had a pretty face, a great mind, too. My mom always told me I was fat, that my hair was either too short or too long and she engaged in a constant harangue of "What are you wearing?" Thus began my love-hate relationship with my body.  
Although I believed there was a "skinny person or self" in the body, I couldn't find her. What concerns me is the speed at which we denigrate ourselves because we believe there is something wrong with us. Worse, the reactive behaviors, based upon our thoughts, becomes the way we "roll" with life. We no longer have to push a self- loathing button; it lights up automatically.    
We brutalize ourselves and our children, blaming our anxiety, anger, depression and shame on cultural norms, gender rules, societal expectations, history, movies, advertising, family, employees, employers, boyfriends, children, etc.  
By constantly measuring to see if our looks put us in the desirable category or leave us in the clearance section, we don't even notice the stress meter moving higher. The irony of the attachment to our looks is that no matter what we do from exercise to diet, weight loss pills to surgical enhancements, our bodies are constantly changing. We can make the best of what we have and many of us do. However, it is the self- recrimination that saddens me because it's so destructive, pitting us against ourselves and others.   
My work out partner has breast cancer, having had  both breasts removed. Although she's had reconstructive surgery, there are still several cosmetic issues to address. What she notes is how important her breasts are to her self-identity. By focusing on what's wrong with the reconstructed boobs, she's still stressing, which I believe contributes to fostering illness, disease, and a host of negative emotions that undermine her joy. By god, she's alive! 
When you think about your relationship to your looks, what statements arise? If you're not in a loving relationship with your body, and are ready to change that relationship, email me at

Posted on May 28, 2013 and filed under May 2013.